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Extended bio (and mild vent)


Posts: 25

Having ADHD and not yet knowing I was on the spectrum at said time, I've never really been the best at making friends. The last time I had even a small friend group was back in 2014, before my move from Illinois to Arizona. I had to say goodbye to my closest friends, who seemed to actually understand me a little better than most. (Pretty sure I annoyed one of them, at first, when I joined into their conversation the day we met. I heard "Legos" so of course, I had to say something, lol.) But we were nice and close. Probably the closest friends I ever had.

Through the rest of middle school, I had a short-term friend, here and there, but whatever happened, happened. Now, I'm just struggling to rebuild my mentality, and regain my social life.

My anxiety, I believe, mostly came from me switching to online school. As my family and mental health team were trying to get me away from all the bullying, they decided to switch me to online school. (I'm not one to really comprehend most details, and I often forget that asking questions is a viable option, so I went ahead and agreed to this alternative, despite assuming I'd just move onto highschool in the nearby public school.)

While everyone else was discussing getting me away from all the bullying, I was just trying to figure out all the chaos in my life. I was trying to deal with the new-ish decision, that I was too young for a phone, as influenced by someone within my family. Although I realize now it was more about necessity, and money. I felt, at the time, that I was being punished. There was no actual explanation on why I couldn't have a phone, nobody took the time to help me understand. So, I took the response, as if I did something wrong.

Not to mention a I had been wanting to get another pet ferret, since before we even moved. All this time, we have gotten several animals, not one of which being the one I had initially asked for. First pet, I ever got myself, while living in Arizona, were my three baby mice. They were the best! (I guess, I can really relate to rodents. Like them, I'm often misunderstood.)

Currently, I just have my adorable mutt. I love her, but she wasn't even mine, at first. I took claim over her because she wasn't being taken care of properly. She was never trained properly, and she can't go two seconds being away from me. (I'm fine having a girlfriend like that, but my dog? If I could afford to get her in to see a dog therapist, I would. She definitely needs it with the kind of life, she's had.)

After moving to Arizona, a lot of things really went downhill. Heck, I didn't really have any actual conversations for nearly a decade. Even my own family haven't talked with me in all that time. They had their mental health to deal with, but I've been trying to get them to have family night for the longest time. (We finally started spending some time together, but it just doesn't feel like it used to... I need friends that won't treat me like I'm just some charity case. People that actually want to hangout with me, rather than do it because they feel bad for me.)

Even from a young age, I was never too keen on learning to drive. Perhaps for emergencies? But overall, I just didn't want to be behind the wheel. Now that I'm older, and I have developed tics (later re-diagnosed as turrets) I really just don't trust myself behind the wheel of a car... So not being able to drive, really takes away from my ability to make friends, even further.

I've looked up the term, after seeing others type it out on here and the Discord, and I think I might be a "NEET", I mean, I worked at a Family Dollar for a bit, but that was back at the beginning of 2020, when COVID was more of a big deal. I do aspire to be a writer, and I might be starting up in something that might help me learn to be able to work again. But right now, I'm kinda just sitting around, in my depression, feeling like I'm going mad, as time races on. Sadly, my extrovert self, became an introvert hermit... Not proud of it, but that's why I'm looking for friends. (If I find a girlfriend, even better!)

You know, ever since I can remember, I always fantasized about being with some special girl, who just being around made me weak. (I'm not a hopeless romantic...) I guess, in those fantasies, I was usually kinda reluctant for some reason, I just never really saw myself as the type to just fall into place, in the relationship, and always assumed I'd just be dragged into it by a girl that really liked me.

All those romance movies and stuff really got in my head, telling me there's a match for everyone. Honestly, I think my fantasies were really just concocting the idea that, love was a weakness and that's why I fought against it... But, if love is a weakness, then I want that kryptonite. I'll be the damsel, if she'll be the villain.

According to my mom, back in daycare, all the girls adored me. I kinda laughed, like "right". But she insists that it's true. Sometimes I wonder if the girl I was destined for, was one of the girls I went to daycare with? But, I don't think there's anyway for me to find that out.

Valentine's Day, the day of showing your affection for your partner. A day that I will despise until I meet someone special. I know it's a commercial holiday, but I want to participate in it, more than anything. Trust me, I'll be trying to show my partner that I love her, every single day. But, Valentine's Day is a great excuse for me to go stupidly all-out!

I like romantic clichés, like the mistletoe, picnics, a stroll breathtaking sceneries, and so-on. Even the crazy chaos of getting stuck at the top of a ferris wheel, despite my... Minor... Fear of heights. (Again, I'm not a hopeless romantic... I just really love romance... Stop looking at me like that!)

I'm in no way, a dominant type. I do kinda hope for an FLR (Female Led Relationship), and a dominant partner. I guess, I kinda want my own knight in shining armor. A role swap, if you will? I, in no way, want to leave everything up to her. I like the idea of a partner that wants to pamper and spoil me, but I also want to show her just as much love and appreciation. Despite my mild (I think) claustrophobia, I kinda dream about a girl cuddling me, to the point where I she triggers my claustrophobia, and yet also helps it calm down.

A competitive girlfriend, especially one always trying to make bets with me, would be amazing.

As for anything else, I guess just ask me. If you're interested in potentially going out with me feel free to PM me. Or if you'd rather remain anonymous, then I have created a CuriousCat profile, currently under the name SilentNoOne. A certain user on here and Discord kinda talked me into making one... Anyone interested in being friends, feel free to hit me up in a PM.

If anyone from here does message me on CuriousCat, then feel free to ask me anything you want. Get curious. Set your query. If you want to remain anonymous, then that would probably be your best bet. But you don't have to be anonymous, if you don't want to. No pressure, either way.

I can nearly guarantee that I'm still missing fun little tidbits, about myself, but it can all be explored later in conversations.

I guess, use the comments to share a bit about yourselves, if you want. Maybe make your own extended bios, if you feel up to it.

(I'm too tired to proofread this, so hopefully I didn't leave any errors in this.)

 

Edit: I'm also on Reddit.

Here's a link to my CuriousCat if it's easier: https://curiouscat.live/SilentNoOne

Looking for love in all the wrong places... Hopefully, she'll find me.
last edit on 9/3/2024 7:00:33 PM
Posts: 25
0 votes RE: Extended bio (and mild vent)

For anyone concerned, I answered my last question on CuriousCat. I don't intend on answering anymore, since it is scheduled to stop existing on the 7th of October.

Also a reminder that I'm, again, currently single.

Plus, my depression is kinda kicking my butt right now. Even when I'm happy constant thoughts of loneliness and the inevitable end keep crossing my mind. Feeling guilt for reasons I shouldn't. Everything I do or think simply feels wrong. The feeling that I don't deserve love, keeps popping into my head, as well.

I just want someone special to cuddle with. Someone I can share my darkest secrets with, and not be shunned or judged. Someone who won't ever let me be. I'm fine with being constantly monitored or tracked by my partner. All I want, is someone to love me, as much as I will love them.

One more, VERY important thing about me: Everyone I know, anyone I meet, any relationship no matter whether romantic or otherwise, every person who is or was apart of my life, I will forever love. I can't simply forget they exist, as they are still important to me. (I don't know if my former partner will ever decide she wants to be with me again, but my loyalty stays with whoever claims me first when I was last single. My loyalty is serious, and very hard to break. Some call me too forgiving.)

Overall, I'm fine with a polyamorous relationship, but I am a straight male (with potentially mild bi qualities). I do, however, prefer monogamous, but if I can make multiple people happy by being with them, their happiness makes me happy. I hate seeing people upset, or being the source of their distress.

Ignoring my prior claims, I believe I now entirely prefer a yandere partner. No longer, do I simply feel like I'd be compatible with one. Yandere personalities make me feel loved, needed and appreciated. Even if they're scary, it makes me feel wanted.

I'm still a sucker for tomboys, and dominant partner(s) are a must with me. I need someone who will make me submit to them. I have a need to wear a collar, preferably with tags of who I belong to. I need to belong to someone. Never let me leave, even if I somehow lost interest.

My commitment is real. Some may claim they're committed, but I mean it. I'll only leave if I feel I'm in the way or you lose interest. Otherwise, I'm here to stay if you want me. I need someone older than myself.

I have several posts that talk about me. Please, look at them if you need more info. And please don't be shy about messaging me on any of the sites or apps I mentioned in my posts. I just need someone. I'm lonely, depressed, and have ADHD. It's a horrible combination, trust me.

I can do long-distance, but I can't promise I'll be very good at it. It's hard for me to feel a connection with someone thousands of miles away from me. But if it's short term long-distance, for a long-term FLR relationship, then it shouldn't be too hard to handle. IRL is most preferred, however.

Around this time, my depression is the worst. Too many issues around this time...

Looking for love in all the wrong places... Hopefully, she'll find me.
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