I wonder if he ever found this place. When I hinted to him about its existence he said he couldn't find it, but in my opinion it's pretty easy, you just have to put something like "yandere forum" in a search engine, and I did say it was a yandere forum.
I still miss him. I am the one who finally cut things off, so there's nothing to be done about it. I just didn't think he cared for me and did not wish to waste his time. I have looked for him but of course I can't find him. I'm not clever enough, or maybe he left the online sphere entirely. I'd hope not.
I actually started listening to hypnosis files. It makes me feel bittersweet. I had always hoped he'd be the one I'd experience it from, once we were together. Although at the time I wasn't confident in my ability to be able to go under, I seem to have slowly eroded that concern.
You're the first person I have ever fallen in love with. I can't believe you just vanished- I suppose you didn't think I'd vanish either, did you? But once I realized I didn't have a chance with you, there was no need for that blog. I only wish I could find traces of you in the interwebs, so I could at least watch you from afar and wish you well. Have you forgotten about me completely? I keep assuming things, don't I? Did assuming you weren't interested in me ruin any chance I had? I know it's not good to assume things of people, especially when they haven't said anything to indicate the truth of that assumption. It shows a lack of trust. I'm sorry I could not trust you to keep talking with me. I'm sorry I assumed all emotions had dried up. I found pictures of you again. Not printed out, but online. I wonder if I should print them out. Originally I had them in a little shrine for you. Nothing permanent, but something sacred for the time being. I guess I shouldn't, huh. Should try to let go more. I keep dreaming of you. Keep hoping you'll show up at the door one day. What a reckless thing that would be though, a fruitless journey when in the end I have given you nothing. I promised love and patience and gave nothing. I do love. But I suppose my insecurities won over patience. I know not to expect anything, so I don't. I only hope you are living a fulfilling life, whatever that ends up looking like for you.
